PHO705 Belong

I have decided the title of my project is Belong,possibly with a subtitle of a study of community through Working mens clubs

At some point most of us will seek a sense of belonging.Some more than others .Some like myself have never felt that strong urge or at least that is what I thought. maybe I just took it for granted that I already did and this is what it feels like. For many the feeling of belonging is essential the familiar ties of family probably being the strongest.Maybe its something else, a sense of comfort or camaraderie in following a football team with thousands of others,a certain band or organisation whatever it is as humans we thrive in social groups where there is a sense of collective togetherness maybe its a primeval instinct of survival, a pack mentality maybe its just nicer than being alone ! What happens when individuals cross over groups does that sense of belonging follow.

As part of this project I explore this through personal experience and the relationships I have formed,left behind,neglected,regret and love.I know I am not alone and it is a familiar tale,in fact very common amongst my age group.It has always been the case that many young people shun or reject the past,not always of course but often.Some in search of their own path with a strong urge others to escape what they see as a boring or perhaps lifestyle they do not approve of by following in their parents footsteps,some have it thrust upon them,maybe by being sent off to war or some family disaster or maybe as mentioned in previous posts it was a necessity bore out of lack of local work whatever the case may be when it happens we find ourselves in unfamiliar territory often often forming new lives outside of what is familiar to those of of our past.

Whilst this is not the actual day or time precisely things changes for me I have chosen within the context of my project to use an event to mark the time this changed for me.

My dad and I have had a fractius relationship over the years but it wasnt always that way and isnt now. I realise with age that I have to share some of the blame keen as I was to plough my own furrough.He didn’t have it easy as a child or young man and did a great job with the limited hand he was dealt I also believe he too had to navigate a different world he was destined for if the death of his mother had not happened at such an early age.His background was a lower middle class one,his mother was ambitious for him,he was an a only child,went to grammer school.When she died a set of circumstances and decisons found him loose much of that standing and as such was firmly back in the working class where his father had come from.

For many years we had a very close but emotionally distance relationship which is the way of both my parents. He was the one who took us kids on days out,I have no recollection but they happened. I worked closley with him from a young age helping on his milkround before school and weekends,we didnt talk much but thats ok. We both love music and clothes,he loved The Everly Brothers,I loved punk rock,of course there was conflict,I was teen! He wasnt that much older himself he was married at 17 he had no teenage years.He had a family and a wife stricken by acute mental health issues all her life.I did not see this,we fought and argued,I had to get out as soon as I could.I did felt like I did not belonged .With age those feelings have of course changed,I realise that it was not true,it was just normal teenage behaviour to want to do your own thing.However many times in later life the question has arisen,where do I belong ?.It’s can no longer be in my past and sometimes it’s not the present.Interestingly this is not a question I believe my children will have to answer.They live in the world they were brought up in unlike my father and myself,maybe the circle has broken,is this a good thing.Change can be good.

Apparently social mobility has all but stopped, my childrens generation are the first for generations that will be worse off financially than their parents. (ONS)

On my 18th birthday as is tradition when coming of age,its not uncommon in working class families to be given a beer tankard as was the case with me.My dad also got me membership to the working mens club he belonged to. He must have had to put my name down some time before as at the time they were very popular and membership was very sought after membership was limited to a certain number dependent on the size of the club,the waiting lists were long,it was often the case that someone had to resign their membership or die before space was made and even then it was reviewed only once a year.

I rejected the membership out of hand and never once used it or the tankard.

To me they represented everything I wanted to escape,it did not go down well. Whilst my dad has never said so I believe this has always been a disappointment to him. As time went on during this period and until my late twenties we became more and more estranged,this event was a catylyst for change.